Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
