I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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