I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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