I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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