thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
