life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
