remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
