im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
