This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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