she woke up with a sticky ear
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
