Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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