highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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