your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
