Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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