Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
