Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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