I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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