my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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