you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
