I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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