Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
foreskin is a definite game changer
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
