Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
