Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
