Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I will be naked everywhere
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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