we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
