that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
