Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
