I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
