We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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