Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
