Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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