and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
