i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
