Christians are straight up FREAKS
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
