So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
