Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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