my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We left an ass print on the piano.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
