Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
