We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
