Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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