I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woke up backwards on a recliner
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
