don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
