You really coming over, don't trick.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
