Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
