he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
