The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
