I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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