Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
