I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
