i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
