I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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