you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
