Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
