the condom got lost in my hair
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
