Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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