She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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