why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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