Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
