I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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