I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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