just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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