Porn is love you can see.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
