Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
