I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
