it wasn't lemon gatorade
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
do herpes really smell.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
