You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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