Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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