My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
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I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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