We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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