He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He has the fingertips of a God
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