why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
