In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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