theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love having hate sex.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
