we have officially lost it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
