I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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