Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
